Winds of Change





Dealing with the past 20 years with a view to healing, health and wholeness has been a move from death to new life. I live with PTSD everyday, my life is nothing it was, and I am coming to grips with a new norm. I’m a survivor, and reflecting on what that means daily. Five years removed from my first collapse, three years removed from my first real effort to come to grips with it, a year of successful treatment and counseling, I can say I have been through the valley of the shadow of death, through the valley of dry bones, through many dark nights of the soul and emerged on the other side, on to the new day and new life.

I wish the journey to this point had been easier. I wish there had been a more peaceful world, no plagues, no mass graves, no floods, no good byes to loved ones. I remember Guyaquil, Irbil, Kirkuk, Nablus, Bilin, Kalandia and beyond, Oakville and the many relief/recovery teams. Somewhere in the midst of the flood recovery, the summer of ’09 the descent became collapse.

You cannot know what this experience is like without going through it. The slow bleeding out of empathy…part of me was dying. To just feel nothing…no pain, no joy, no grief…numbness. I remember Johnny Cash’s last song “Hurt.” Especially that lyric, “I hurt myself today, to see if I could feel.” That resonates with my experience. It has been a journey to a new life, one day at a time, one step at a time. And I write this to say there is always hope I have a new life after those small deaths that’s so radically change our lifes. I can never be what I was in the same way again but for those who live with the reality of the pain I can be there to help them walk through the experience in their journey from one chapter of their life to another.

I know what it is to feel the deepest emotions and decision making ability stripped away. To feel your soul emptied out and to long for feeling again. I know the terror of those dreams that I can’t articulate, to wake up in cold sweat heart racing, have running from the demons of my past. Slowly feeling does come back and the longing for honest companionship but so many bridges burned. So the journey back comes to an end. I had to give up trying to reclaim trying to recapture friends and life, in order to find the direction and path that God had set me on anew. I wish I could say that I’ve totally emerged from the condition but I know there are days and moments when it’s back again. Life at this point is a journey and those we meet along the way we hold closer because so much has been lost. And that’s what I’m thinking of this Thanksgiving. Thankful for those we have made this journey with me sorry for those who have been hurt along the way resolved to move forward in your life.


Found this photo for you on Tumblr

What is the project I am mentioning for Indigogo campaign?

Eighteen months ago our company was a start-up, only 6 months old when members of The Hospitaller Order of Saint Lazarus asked us to develop a jewelry line. The concept is to create a stunning line that will help The Order raise funds for their philanthropic endeavors. With this vision in mind, a jewelry line was born.

These are the CAD representations. We have the first ring finished awaiting setting of stones. The other pieces are still waiting to be finished, taken from drawing to solid jewelry. And this is where I am asking for some help to speed the process up. With this jewelry line going, we can help some hurting families and friends all over the world in a small way. That has been my goal from the beginning, compassionate help for the poor and hurting. So I hope you will take a look at our project more in depth, and consider contributing to it.

There are different perks for different levels of support, including a chance to receive one set of the earrings or cufflinks pictured in this folder. A random contributor will be receive a $200 shop credit as well.

You can help us in a few ways:

Pray for our project

Buy from our selection of products

Share the link when you see it in order to get the word out

Make a contribution through Indiegogo by following that link.

Thanks so much for your time and support!

New project


Producing this piece to help a friend take care of adopted and foster kids

Loaves and Fishes

I saw this mosaic at the Mar Elias Guest House while I stayed there February 16-March 1, 2005

I saw this mosaic at the Mar Elias Guest House while I stayed there February 16-March 1, 2005